Worcester city councillor and rabid reactionary nutjob Colin Colliery today took aim - again - at the city's problem seagull population.
Speaking today outside Worcester's Guild Hall, where he was seen earlier swinging a tennis racket at thin air, Cllr Collier (Conservative, obvs) vowed to draft in local pest control, the Territorial Army, and "some of the lads from down the road in Hereford. YEAH, THEM" to deal with the protected seabirds.
"These vermin represent the biggest threat to our way of life since we drove the EU out of our great nation with dog poo on the end of a croquet mallet," frothed Collier. "I want them DEAD. I want their families DEAD." Collier has longstanding and frankly inexplicable beef with the medium-sized scavenger seabirds, leading to numerous calls over the duration of his 47-year tenure as a local councillor for them to be "hunted until no seagull breathes Worcester air" and other mangled secondhand movie quotes. Rumours persist that one of Cllr Collier's ex wives may have shouted "Jason Seagal!" during a moment of coital excitement, which may have led to his pathological hatred of the Laridae family in general, but this cannot be substantiated by this paper. Our editor recommended we leave it out, but he's always pissed and never reads the copy so what the hell.
A spokesman for the 22nd Special Air Service Regiment responded to Cllr Collier's vague threat by saying "Well, there's no such creature as a 'seagull' for a start, he's probably referring to a common Herring Gull or some such, which can form colonies well into the heart of the country. I'm also fairly sure the armed services hardest sisterfuckers would not stoop to offing modestly-sized gulls on behalf of a local council. Now my dear, can I interest you in some spokes?"
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