RIP Satire 2020: Dr Gammons is UKIP candidate for London Mayor

The comedy genre of satire died today after a long struggle with reality, it was announced today, as the Tesco Value fascist party UKIP announced it mayoral candidate for London as Dr Peter Gammons. Yeah no really, they did. I swear.

The motivational speaker and broadcaster - again, not making this up - Dr Gammons announced his reality-bending bid via his twitter account @Gammons4London. The account is surprisingly a tolerant, left leaning treatise supporting universal basic income and free movement of people. Sorry, no, it's a rich vein of trite backwards no-nothing fuckery covering all the usual shitting bases like jihadists, coronahoaxing, and the EU stealing your children to make soup for George Soros.

His running mate for deputy mayor Nigel Azi and his campaign manager Allan Imnotracist-Butt, who came with Gammons from the Brexit Party, stood behind him with british flags made out of pork on a 1/4 scale model of the Tudor battleship Mary Rose... I mean, what's the point? What is the point of trying to make gags in a fake newspaper format when all people have to do is open a cunting window? Fuck this. Done.

Nominative determinism was contacted today for a quote but the concept was found shaking in the corner of its room under a blanket.