Local Conservative Party supporters have cut up their members - oh I am sorry, membership cards - in sheer disgust at the Government's plan to make inadvertently infecting people in shops with a potentially deadly disease a fineable matter. Worcester party co-chair Nigel Rectal-Fisher tweeted a picture of his destroyed card with a furious "I will never vote Tory again, until the next election. This is an unacceptable infringement of our freedom to ape American stupidity in all things. I am effectively politically homeless as there is no other party who provide a justification for my deep-seated selfishness." Rectal-Fisher joins a number of spinny-eyed wankstains who shat themselves inside-out at being told what to do despite being locked in the house for a quarter of the year cos Boris said.
The move, which is backed by scientific evidence and resembles similar approaches brought in around the world, is overwhelmingly popular with the wider public, except here where videos of Worcester's bafflingly mask-free shoppers waltzing down the high street past defunct shops as if they didn't have a care in the world have been shared by mega-right wing arseholes called Dullingpole or Littlebollocks or some such. Well done guys.
Critics have questioned whether wearing a rag over one's nosie-wosie round W H Smiths is really the hill these people want to die on, considering the last 10 years have seen Conservative scandals such as Windrush, the failure to make social housing safe after Grenfell, the 'Hostile Environment', ministers fired for leaking state secrets/colluding with foreign governments/wanking at work, an illegal referendum, the abject failure of the establish to properly investigate that illegality, stripping of rights to travel and work freely in the EU, austerity, trillions in tax avoidance by the ultra-wealthy, the enabling of fascism and racism, a hat-trick of the worst PMs in history, looking the other way on Russian electoral interference, lifting the ban on arms sales to Saudi Arabia who use them on civilians in Yemen, rampant corruption in PPE procurement, property development scandals, David Cameron putting his cock in a pig's mouth, and the microscopically tiny matter of 65,000 avoidable deaths due to their inaction and incompetence.
Local Worcester Councillor, Labour's Alison Partly confessed that "this is the first I've heard of it. Did he really? The mad cunt! Oh, the card. Well, like, we don't really have a strong opinion on it to be honest. There's nothing doing policy-wise in our neck of the woods until 2014 at least so we're just letting Keir Starmer wear a suit and point authoritatively for a bit. But, you know, wear a mask, yeah? I don't like it, but I'd quite like my friends and family to continue to enjoy oxygen so I'm kinda OK with it."
There remain 10 days before the ban actually comes in, so if you feel strongly about freedumb, there is still plenty of time to get yourself to Homebase and cough your sociopathic little heart out. And you still don't have to wear them in pubs.
Boris Johnson was not available for comment as he was balls-deep in some Russian prostitute while his wife was feeding his latest baby.
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