Jeremy Smith has become the first man in the Worcester area to openly declare his romantic love for the Union Flag, commonly known as the Union Jack, as well as freely disclosing that he is "sleeping with it. Yes, like that".
Smith, a 35 year-old animal dietician from St Peters, took the unusual step of coming out to this reporter during a New Worcester News interview after his neighbours altered the paper about the potential of his house being the most be-flagged in the country, in itself not a great surprise considering that draping oneself and one's property in red, white and blue is somehow more acceptable following Brexit and the accompanying resurgence in basic as fuck nano-brained nationalism. When we contacted him, he immediately launched into a predictable tirade about loving his country, how there's nothing wrong with that, and that the EU had ruined Britain, before things took a perverted rather than racist turn.
Mr Smith told us he had begun to attend Britain First and EDL rallies "not for the bigotry and violence you understand, but for the outfits."However, he had to stop as every time he saw the flag he became visibly aroused. His normal [normal? fuck me - Ed] Princess Diana sex pillow was replaced by a simple union jack cushion from B&M Bargains as "it was really the flag that was doing it for me. Then on VE day we had a street party and all these lefties and Corbyn fan communists were walking past laughing and shouting abuse at me, calling me a flag shagger and I just thought; Yeah! I do shag the flag! And I'm proud!"
Mr Smith refers to himself as a vexillosexual, from the Latin for flag and the Greek for sticking your dick in something, as his original thought of vexillophile sounded too much like a paedo and "that's something that the Queen, God bless her, would hate." Mr Smith was surprisingly uninterested in discussing Prince Andrew's current predicament following the recent arrest (and future assassination/suicide) of Ghislaine Maxwell.
Comments